A Day in My Life

February 21, 2008

Everything is starting to work together in my life. Where once there was chaos and a LOT of wasted time here and there throughout my day, mess and stress every where, not there is a whole lot more peace and FLOW to my day. All it took was a little “routine” dashed in the right places, some time, patience, questions, research, experience and advice to help me make my day go smoother. But I feel a million times better from all I have learned in these 4 years of being a house wife and mother… well only house keeper full time for the past year. I hope to share my experience with those closest to me who have ears to hear and if I have a word or two to help their lives be easier then all the better.

6AM ME UP

• Turn off alarm, and set it for 7pm. I have learned that if I don’t get to bed on time each evening then struggle getting up the next morning because I’m too tired. Later this signals: bedtime routine, start getting settled in….
• Drink a glass of water, gotta stay hydrated being a nursing mother and all J
• Take dog outside to potty. Notice the roses on the little table, I need to plant those
• Unlock front door, open curtains and blinds, turn furnace up a few notches. I keep the house quite warm, and I do truly pay for it when the bill comes, bc I’m potty training my infant and I have decided that a two hundred dollar gas bill is way cheaper and easier on my life than a doctor bill or a stuffy nosed, can’t breathe to eat or sleep baby….
• I get dressed myself: skirts/ dresses as of lately, hair up (keeps it outta the way of babies grasp, can’t quite control his fists yet), teeth, deodorant, little spritz of something nice…. And most importantly SHOES. Being a SAHM, I realized that I don’t keep up my “pace” throughout the day as well if I don’t dress fully. Being shoeless has also been my excuse to not take out the trash or get mail...
• I give the bathroom a “once over” and plan on not cleaning it again… LOL yeah right… but yeah, wipe: sink, mirror, and swish toilet. I am usually quite proud of my shiny toiletJ
• Then I take baby potty and get the baby dresses: again since he is potty training, he remains pretty much butt exposed all day, so he gets several layers, three thick long sleeves, two pairs of sock, and usually a beanie hat. Then I just carry him loosely in a blanket with a cloth diaper directly under his butt, just incase I need to make an emergency run to the bathroom in case of an accident in progress. Luckily haven’t missed a BM, just about one or two dribbles, in which I just quickly switch out the clothe diaper for a clean one.
• I sit down at the computer room and have myself a quite time (devotions, check calendar, TO-DO list, and day’s menu; if nothing then I crochet) while I feed the baby. Then he needs a potty trip.

7AM KIDS UP

• Wake boys: dressed w. house slippers on, potty, teeth, vitamin
• Boys chores: Make bed, feed and water dog
• Every time I’m in the kitchen cooking, baby goes in the bouncy chair on floor, and boys talk to him or bounce him. While I heat the stove and make pancakes, actually crepes today.
• They set the table, removing the table cloth and candles; placing the cups of milk I’ve poured and napkins for each child. I just realized I should find a way to make fewer dishes, which mean less work/ time cleaning. BC I am always short of time to spare. While I put away dishes from night before if I didn’t do it before I went to sleep.

8AM BREAKFAST

• We pray and eat. I usually choose one meal for breakfast and one for lunch and we eat that EVERY day for one week. It makes the children grateful when they get something new, and my day is so much easier not having to plan a huge messy meal when they just need sustenance in their belly not gourmet to satisfy their taste buds… mainly speaking for myself…. I have such a sweet tooth. Today we had crepes with home made marionberry jam.
• When everyone is done they pretty much clean their place, my oldest wipes off table and replaces the table cloth and candles, I wash the few dishes and notice that spot on the stove is gone now... LOL, then my two year old helps sweep by “man-ing” the dust pan. See the baby in the bouncey chair?
• Baby goes in sling as I turn off stove or leave kitchen, maybe a potty trip real quick before.
• Now is when I usually do my Daily chores. Kitchen is done so I move to bedrooms. I make my bed, DH usually leaves for work about now, I still can’t talk him into waking to eat with us, not a breakfast eater… I sweep the remaining hard floors, living room and bathroom. Dust and wipe all surfaces that need it. See “Daily Chores List” for more details on what all I do here.
• Now I try to fit in a quick “training session” with the kids about 10min till the hour all throughout the day. We played drill sergeant here. Then baby gets a potty trip, I remove one layer of shirt so he doesn’t over heat when napping. Swaddle, place the “hooter-hider” for privacy and feed the baby. I love this thing, my cousin gave it to me. As you can see it looks COMPLETELY modest from the front and sides, but there is a little tiny stiff fiber at the top, which allows just a few inches to stick up from shoulder, allowing baby to breathe and you to see each other. But there isn't much of a chance of anyone seeing in unless they stand directly behind you. Oh don't worry I'm compleatly "put away" here, he is just sleeping afterwards, so I figured it made a good example of how much I enjoy this. I don't mind siting in the living room (with my back to the wall) if I'm using this to feed the baby while my family or husband is here, but I'm not sure how I feel about other people yet... if it is modest to nurse in the same room? any thoughts would be great...

• For more info see the “hooter-hider” post. Meantime the children “work-out” like pushups, jumping jacks, sit ups, and run around the table. They love it and it gives them something to do that I don’t have to supervise more than shout then next task….
• I then lay baby down and turn on monitor. Notice how he is swaddled so if he jerks or “starts” while sleeping he doesn’t wake himself. Then there is a thick soft blanket placed under him and tucked around his back and front to prevent rolling, and he is placed on his side with a “boppy” pillow a few inches from his face to “catch” the pacifier if it starts to fall out, and pillow gently presses on the top of his head/forehead for a calming effect… He is out instantly and for quite a while. I wouldn’t otherwise get anything done if he did sleep like this. I only use the pacifier while he is napping and I would otherwise still be laying next to him nursing him for another ten or twenty mins till he was completely out. I just pop in the pacifier and it soothes him into a deep sleep with out wasting time I could clean the entire house…. J
• When ever the baby wakes up he immediately gets pottied, feed, burped and I wait 5 mins then potty him again. If he does however wake after a few mins like ten and hasn’t slept more than thirty mins, I quietly, quickly potty him and lay him back down in same position. Then using the blow dryer on HI for a min or two, then LOW for like 5 mins, allow him to fall back to sleep with a little gentle patting on the butt. I mean what else is a blow dryer good for. Sleep is meant to have a gentle lull which draws babies into which they can not resist, NOT CIO and teach them to resist and fight and hate naps. If I am out in public my babies just get a lose blanket wrapped around them and placed belly side down over my lap and gently bounced w. one hand on their forehead OR placed in the crook of my elbow and gently “shhhhed” and rocked to sleep… either way its LULL- a – bye your baby to sleep in all the nursery rhymes and songs, NOT CRY-a-bye… LOL just something I’ve learned as of lately. I mothered my first child with the CIO method and am quite sorry about that L anyway off topic here…..

9AM CLEANING

• I start cleaning by vacuuming (almost daily with these guys), again this helps baby “lull” into sleep by creating a white noise and drowning out the world. This starts in my room and works its way around the house till I end in living room area rug also helps make the noise gently disappear. I try to make everything work together in my life… chores over lapping and Helping other tasks make them easier, without loosing time. Anyways so I vacuum while the kids pick up their Legos they usually play with while I laid the baby down. They play a game called “hurry the vacuum is going to eat the toys… pick ‘em up” they love it and laugh and run from it. It makes them pick up a LOT faster.
• When we are done vacuuming I start my “Weekly Chores” See that posting for more information on my Chore schedule.
• The kids get another quick “training session” right before the hour here, they just sat still and quiet for 10 mins “practicing”.

10AM DEVOTIONS/ PRESCHOOL

• So here is when school starts: I home school, I got lots of posts about that topic, or will have soon. I have a simple daily school routine which is :
• We start with Circle Time: for 30 mins we have our devotions. We pray then sing a few children’s Christian songs; each child picks a bible story out of their bible for me to read out loud. Then we continue to discus what we read, the day’s weather, date, season, and time etc until 10:30.
• Then we practice our READING/ writing for 15 min: do flash cards or what ever fun thing they choose to learn more about the alphabet and sounds
• Then we practice our MATH and numbers for 15 min: do flash cards or whatever they want to learn their numbers or counting or money

11AM SCHOOL

• Now they kind of get whatever they get for the rest of their “school” for the day
• I have a bunch of options all made out on cute little cards w. pictures with makes it easy for them to decide what they want to do. We try to fit in a few a day: Creative Play is just pretending/imaginative play. Like dress up or house or puppets etc. Table Time is something arts/craftsy on the table, drawing, paint, puzzles, building with tools etc. Science is where they each have a science notebook and we dry flowers, pin bugs, take pictures, take nature walks, bird watch, do lab experiments and study biology etc Language is either German/ Spanish/ or ASL all with flash cards a library movie or listen to CD Floor Time is where they pick a few toys and basically get free time, legos, blocks, train, books, plastic animals or cars n tractors. History is where we just watch videos ie Dr. DINO, read history stories, foam story board and I make a skit of a scene, or make a paper timeline. Ending with a quick 5 min pick up.
• Again I try to fit in a quick training session here, I might pick up my phone and pretend I got a call tell the kids we are practicing, and they must not talk above a whisper until I announce I’m off the phone and thank them

12PM LUNCH

• Again we have the same lunch all week, it pizza bc it is SO fast to make (5min) has SO few ingredients (4) is SO cheap (like$5 at most for the week) and SO quick to clean up (4 dishes)
• I drink a glass of fiber before I eat, then finish w a glass of water, gotta stay hydrated. This is actually my secret to loosing weight while nursing. Since it makes ya so hungry nursing, adding a LOT of fiber really helps ya not OVER eat.
• Here I leave a bit of spare time in case I’m running late and just need to getta hold of the time again… also try to do another “training session”

1PM NAP/QUIET TIME

• Kids get a potty trip before they lay down, each child gets their own bed pillow and blanket. They must lay down and keep their eyes closed once they are old enough to.
• Baby gets a potty trip, swaddled w a little blanket gently over face, feed, patted if needed, knees gently pressed on stomach if bubble or gas is suspected, while I feed to try and gently release it. Shoes off, grab crochet project and settle in for a 10 to 20 min sit and sing a sweet tune to put all children and baby to sleep. Lay baby down when all are sleeping
• Start dinner or know what the game plan is
• My free time: either nap, work on project or computer time
• My three year old gets to stay up most the time: so he gets to play w. flash cards, read a book, learn verses or stuff like 10 commandments n facts n song all while watching pre-filmed home tapes of readings I have made for him… he just follows along with his book. This keeps him quiet if I want a nap

3PM ACTIVITIES

• About this time as the children are waking I do MUSIC LESSONS with either guitar or piano. We just quietly play and take turns w a little practicing.
• PYSICAL ACTIVITES like run, push ups, jumping jacks, sit ups, wrestling, jump on bed, bikes, sports, outside free time etc. just to wear them out
• GEOGRAPHY is where I let them put together this big map of USA and we name the states and try to remember them I try describing what they look like or something about each state as we go ie. “we live in Oregon” “we play in the sun in California” “Montana is a big mountain one” “Texas is HUGE” “Maine looks like a Head” etc
• COMPUTER TIME they each get some time to play with school bases games on here, like Garfield’s math, Oregon trail, spelling Frogger game, piano, typing, language: triple play plus in Spanish, etc…. that’s the only TV/ video games/ or computer my kids usually get… if they even get this…

4PM

• These two hours always seems to get lost, between children leaving, DH getting home, visitors, etc so I usually have no plan here. I will read to the kids or sit down and tickle them if there is nothing better to do. Occasionally I will watch a DVR-ed program about quilting, crocheting/knitting, or gardening… or just practice training the kids
• Tidy up a bit

5PM DINNER

• Start dinner for sure
• We set the table, pray, eat, clear and clean up just like the regular meal routine. I usually stick to my regular weekly meal. See that post for more info. However tonight I made baked spaghetti for a change and I had the stuff planned for lasagna, but realized I didn’t have any noodles

6PM AFTER DINNER ACTIVITES

• Then we either Hide n Seek, Hot tub, Pool Table, Foosball Table, tonight we played board games. I’ve thought about other things to do but I’m not that creative of a person.
• About quarter till 7, I’ll put baby in a paper diaper, sometimes swaddle sometimes not, feed him, and lay him down for the night… he doesn’t get hot tub time.

7PM KIDS BEDTIME ROUTINE

• The get SWIMMING LESSONS as in either hot tub time or bath time. I just have them practice sticking their face in water, blowing bubbles, floating, kicking w. legs straight, and sitting on bottom of hot tub for just a second. I think my oldest is ready for swimming lessons. In fact I’m going to try and start going next Monday, for a few times each week night.
• About 7:30 they dry off and get pajamas on, teeth, in bed, pray, read a few stories out of their bible, maybe talk a bit, then I’ll sing them a few songs
• And lights are out for sure by 8pm.

8PM MY RELAXING TIME

• This is where I’ll clean up a bit more if needed, or get on the computer for no more than like 30min, sit down with David and rub his feet or back n just relax with him, or crochet, or read a book

10PM LIGHTS OUT FOR ME

• Like I said, If I don’t get to bed on time, I don’t get anything done the next day because I’m way too tired or maybe I’ll sleep in….

Dresses

Lately I have had a strong compelling desire towards dressing like a woman and going dress/skirt only. I have been reading SO many testimonies here on blogger about other women who wear only dresses. They have truly inspired me and opened my eyes towards an area of my life which was completely oblivious to me.

I grew up with both parents in a very strict old fashioned German apostolic church, were the ladies ALWAYS wore dresses and were quite beautiful. VERY modest,( yet not at all like this huge movement of modest- home- schooling- mothers- who- dress-frumpy-and-masculine, not that these modern ladies intend to dress masculine, but they seem to have come from a situation where they didn't quite know what to wear, and had no role models and are trying their best to be modest; they just seem to have lost the beauty of a woman... )

It wasn't unattractive at all, this was a group of wonderful ladies whom have never lost the culture of beautiful, modest, FEMININE dresses. They were raised knowing that there is indeed a difference between a man and a woman and that when god made them both in the garden he called them ,"good". So if our God and creator made a woman and made her beautiful, why do so many women who are trying to dress modestly, forget that they are supposed to look different from a man? They dress in HUGELY over sized clothes and you can't even tell their front from their back...

So i grew up seeing beautifully dressed, modest God fearing, humble women. I had this wonderful example, and at first, while I was young my mother tried to follow their example. See this was my father's church, she only started attending when they were marred. She wore these lovely skirts and dresses. Grew her hair out long, and often wore it in either a braid to the back or up in some sort of twist or bun... really simple like. Never wore makeup that i can remember. I thought she was so beautiful when i was a girl. Well as I was entering my teen years as life somehow goes, my parents up and got a divorce. My mother cut her hair short, high lighted it several shades of auburn, wore lots of makeup and most dramatically pants. See I was but a child obviously while i was growing up and I don't remember everything or all the facts, she could have been slightly like that before they got the divorce, but the only part i remember was this beautiful simple church and their beautiful modest dresses, and my mother whom was so beautiful when she wore them. I look back on pictures of her when she was a young mother, and she was always so radiant and feminine and lovely in all those dresses and long hair. She was what a woman was made to look like.

So she remarries, and continues to look less and less like a lady in my eyes. I never really was aware of this impact in my life until recently when I have been wearing dresses/skirts more often... I remember my childhood and the beautiful ladies. And now since I haven't been to that church since the divorce (other than funerals and weddings of family members) all I see around me is masculinely dressed women, my mother, my sisters, all my friends and acquaintances. I don't think there is a single woman out of all of them who wears only dresses full time. Some where dresses or skirts, but rarely or on special occasions. Its like the heart of a child is innocent when they don't know or are not aware of their surroundings, I feel like scales have been lifted from my eyes and I feel like I can't believe that I never noticed this before.

When they got divorced, I ended up going to a public school from which I sadly learned so much about how to dress :( I remember actually feeling PROUD when young men would stare at my body and comment about me... now I am so very embarrassed when I remember those times. It is this which I so strongly want to find the truth, find what I have been missing out on. At least I don't dress like I did in high school, but I want more than that. I want to be lovely, and feminine and beautiful, and very much like a previous post I put up called secret garden... I want to be a pleasant secret that only my husband gets to see... :) Not a marshmallow mistaken for a man LOL.... If that makes any sense.

So as of lately I have been very aware of my own appearance. I have had this inward battle, not knowing if makeup is selfish and prideful, a waste of time which should be better spent, same with showers EVERY day, I feel like it is not necessary to take them quite so often. I feel like they are for keeping clean, but not needed to keep sterile LOL..... I usually ALWAYS wear jeans or maybe once a month wear a skirt for fun or special occasion.... NOW however that I am aware of how I dress and that it matters very much so. I feel like God made our bodies as humans perfect and beautiful and flawless, however with the entrance of sin into existence and the flood etc. Yada yada yada, we do NOT have perfectly beautiful bodies anymore, wrinkles etc... so with the SLIGHT help of makeup and perfume, a simple hair do and a dress, will help with our fading beauty, not only to be more attractive to our human husbands but to feel and act more like the princesses of heaven which we are :) SO not only do i force myself, reluctantly at times to get rid of my prejudeces and bitterness towards fake women's attitudes and pride and hypocracy towards their outward looks, and make myself take daily showers and primp just a little bit for my husband (including, NOT getting overweight) but I am just recently learning to do it with a smile :)

I believe that children's song/verse in the bible "let your light shine" and I realize that a lazy, dirty, smelly, ugly fat me... would not make a pretty little light, and definately wouldn't shine for the world to see, and definately would not draw them towards myself at all... and we live in a very shallow world where people FIRST and foremost judge ya by your appearance. ... and if your appearance is pretty "dumpy" then ya gotta agree with me that it wouldn't draw many people towards Christ....

On the other hand I am DEFINITELY not approving of changing or altering your body in any permanent way or semi-permanent: ie tattoo, makeup that COVERS your features instead of gently making them stand out beautifully...

So i went out and bought myself two frugally cheep ankle length skirts and have been wearing them most of this new year, save for maybe once a week when i have regressed and worn one of my jeans, I'm not sure why even. Maybe its because my husband had just bought me like 6 brand new pairs last summer before I got pregnant so I haven't even gotten any use outta them, or maybe its because I have noticed such a drastic difference in how I feel when wearing skirts compared to the jeans... who knows, but I sure feel weird when I wore the jeans again, even when I thought they were necessary, ie ridding horses. I feel SOOO completely revealed!!!! its so weird.... Anyway kids are waking up gotta go...

I am not a feminist trying to prove that I can be just like a man;
I AM A WOMAN AND PROUD TO LOOK LIKE ONE!!!! ;)

Roles in life....

this is a tricky topic to talk about. many people have a hard time getting their point across or understanding the difference between the man and woman's role according to GOD's word... i believe it is because of the many negative associations we have today with this topic and issues that relate, such as feminist movement and women's rights and the media etc.... I like how this is worded, I hope you understand it like I do, how it is not about being a door mat, but rather a chain of command, ... all of you who are reading this have had a boss in your lives, and I am assuming NONE of you have felt demeaning or like you were less of a person for obeying someone else's instructions.... right....well mostly... and i know you get my point :) that we just have different roles, not who is worth more in this life but the whole, there can't be two rutters attached to the same ship (ie. family )..... that's all:

As a rule: being right, or having the best course of action, is not as important as the peace in the household that ensues from submitting to God’s way of doing things. Many women think that since women are to submit to their husbands, that this means men and women are not equal. The Bible says otherwise:

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither bond nor free, there is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus. -Galatians 3:28

Therefore, it’s not about “equality,” it’s about roles. It is a way to solve disagreements, or avoid them in the first place. God created men and women differently, therefore,
they have different jobs to do in their lifetimes. Women are not the same as men, and when feminists try to obtain “equality,” what they are really doing, is trying to make women into men, by getting women to follow the man’s role, instead of the woman’s role. If the thought of submitting to your husband leaves you with a bad taste in your mouth, then stop to consider what you are making it all mean in your head; how are you interpreting it? Submitting to one’s husband is a God ordained blessing. Wives were created to be their husband’s help meets. Our husbands need us.

What lovely lips...

This is about gossip and controlling your tongue...
What lovely lips... I love this piece...

How do you talk? Is your voice loud, harsh, and unladylike? What types of words do you use in your every day vocabulary? Do you use gutter words, such as "zit," "shoot," "that sucks," etc.? The Bible is clear that we are not to have any
form of filthy communication:

Put away from thee a froward mouth, and perverse lips put far from thee. –Proverbs 4:24

The tongue is a very hard thing to control:
Behold, we put bits in the horses' mouths, that they may obey us; and we turn about their whole body.

Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth.

Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth! And the tongue is a fire, a world of
iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell. For every kind of beasts, and of birds, and of serpents, and of things in the sea, is tamed, and hath been tamed of mankind:

But the tongue can no man tame; it is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
Therewith bless we God, even the Father; and therewith curse we men, which are made after the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not so to be.

Doth a fountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?
Can the fig tree, my brethren, bear olive berries? either a vine, figs? so can no fountain both yield salt water and fresh. Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with
meekness of wisdom. But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth.

This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. For
where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work. But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be
intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.
–James 3:3-18

Cheers to the home keepers out there...

I found this article, and I think it is wonderful, It reminds us house important the person is who cleans the home :) It is one of those things in life that nobody thanks ya for, and nobody notices except when it doesn't get done... then they miss it dearly. So keep sweepin mama ....

A Matter of Good Housekeeping

This is a frank, undisguised message for young women who look down on housekeeping, or who think of it as a demeaning occupation, beneath the intellect.

When you visit a bed and breakfast inn, or a famous hotel, think of what kinds of comforts you could do without. If you are expecting to really relax and enjoy your vacation, would you appreciate getting a room with no clean sheets or towels? Would you like a room that is in shambles? Maybe you expect to rent a bed and breakfast and not have any food served to you, or , maybe the host points to the pantry and says to make your own breakfast. If you were paying a top price for a hotel, you would not like a room and see it all askew without a fresh smell, and no lights or any comfort of any kind. You would probably walk out, or complain to the manager.

Now let me bring you, in your mind, to the best hotel in the country. Let us suppose it is a cozy place in the mountains. You've saved up for this vacation for a long time and the hotel is one of the most important aspects of this trip. You expect to go to your room at night and really relax in luxury and forget about your worries. You want to rest and get refreshed, away from the cares of the world.

One of the first things you will notice is that the room is orderly. There may even be a tray of food on a table. The bathrooms have fresh bars of soap and clean towels. Everything that you expect and appreciate; everything that is lovely, got there by someone's housekeeping. Would you now say that such nice touches are demeaning? In some swanky places, a fresh pot of tea with scones are delivered to your room where you sit at a pretty table and look out the window at a pleasant view. Can you think for a minute that the service you are getting is a result of a demeaning occupation?

Without good house keeping, the world cannot go around as it does. We would be no better than animals scrounching for food in the trees, or lapping up water from a brook with our tongues. Good housekeeping makes the difference between uncivilized and civilized life.

Even if a student has no time for anything but study, someone has to do the things that makes that student's life smoother: the laundry, the dishes, food preparation, sweeping the floor, and emptying the trash. Some people have said it is more difficult to study and get their thoughts in order, in a disorderly room. Good housekeeping creates the atmosphere for clear thinking. It has been rightly said that "sloppy living leads to sloppy thinking."

A housewife has the time to create a beautiful home by the skill and art of good housekeeping. Good housekeeping is not a demeaning job to lift your nose in arrogance at. Labor and management cannot be separated in a home. The wife must be able to clean and manage the home.This is much different than being a maid, although there is nothing demeaning about being a maid. Prior to the 1900's, before factories or large chain stores existed, many young girls enjoyed working in the homes of rich people. It gave them a luxurious place to live, and it gave them a respectable position in life. Beyond that, marriage created even more respectability for young women.

In the 19th century, many young women prided themselves on their ability to sew, knit, bake, take care of a husband, and manage a home. They also wrote poetry and books. Some of them painted pictures that are famous. Today, there are many young women who think they have too much education to settle down to being a housewife. They feel that housekeeping is demeaning. In disparaging the 19th century women, saying they were not educated enough to be anything but a "housewife, they show a complete lack of research and study; a complete ignorance of the times. In some ways, life was very hard--for example, in certain places during homestead days, we had to carry water up a hill from a lake (we called it "running water" because we ran down the hill and back up again with buckets of water!), and that indeed was not pleasant, but those were only a few moments in the whole picture.

For the most part, women of the past were not miserable in their roles as housewives. These homes, which seem to have faded from the scene sometime in the 60's, had a warmth and a welcome that our homes in our progressive society lack. They were the kind of places where we were happy. They were given caring touches: the freshly pressed table cloth, the folded napkin by the plate, and the fresh towel on the edge of the sink. Housewives sweeping the floor did so because of the pride they took in their houses, and not because it was considered a demeaning drudgery.

There is more to a home than housekeeping. A wife needs to be able to manage her jobs. She has to adjust to the weather, the time of day, the time of the month, the time of the year. She has to be flexible with family needs and unexpected problems. While few people can ever really do it to perfection, at least the housewife knows what is necessary and can aim for that perfection.

This is what the Proverbs 31 model was all about: aiming for a standard. It was saying, in modern language, "It is hard to find a wife that is this good, but if you could, this is what she would be like." And, in being like, her, we are to understand that it is at least a standard to look up to. I will never accomplish the kind of things my grandmother did, but I still look to her as a role model. The Proverbs 31 example is a standard. Though a person may not be able to achieve it, there is comfort in knowing there is a standard to go by. It is a picture of the worth and importance of a wife when she takes her role seriously and guards her time and family carefully. And, all the things that the Proverbs 31 woman was said to have done, come under the role of "housewife," for housewives have a vast responsibility, even beyond housekeeping.


The mammoth amount of labor and the tiniest touches of delicacy that make your stay in a lodge or hotel memorable, are achieved by housekeeping. Think about that fancy resort you want to stay in. If everyone thought housekeeping was demeaning and all the housekeepers quit, and wanted to be in other careers, what kind of place would it be? If good housekeeping is so important to the hotel business, what kind of effect can it have on a marriage and a family? The very touches that mean so much in public places in this world, are housekeeping activities that some young girls call "demeaning." Think of the world without housekeeping. Even your favorite shops and restaurants obtain their ambiance through the careful work of housekeepers. You would not like them so much if this housekeeping was neglected because the proprietors thought housekeeping a demeaning job.

Observe something about many of the online shops on the web. A large proportion of them contain things for the home. Most of the things a woman buys has to do with enhancing her home or making life more pleasant at home. A large amount of the free enterprise that takes place on the web and at home, --everything from plumbing supplies to home decor---is for the home. The economy would certainly suffer without homes to care for.

The structure of a bridge does not look very important. You might not notice it at all. Yet without it, the bridge is worth absolutely nothing. A ship has a small rudder, that passengers don't even see, yet, it is the most important part of the ship. Without it, the ship could not serve in the capacity for which it was made. A realtor selling a house will make sure it is presentable. Housekeeping must take place in order to increase its value. As a young woman, you may have grown up believing that housekeeping is not important, yet, without it, a house depreciates in value.

Maybe you don't think much of housekeeping because it doesn't make you look important. An opera singer is supported by many other musicians. Can you imagine the clarinet section quitting because they are not noticed or given the high profile that the opera singer is? The singer can surely perform on her own, but the people in the background working to help her--even the one who pulls the curtain, is just as important. Without these people, the performance would not be a success. The same goes for marriage, home and family. Though the man takes the responsibility for his family, his support structure is his wife and children. Housekeeping might not seem very important, because, after all, we can hire someone to do it. Yet, the housewife has a more personal interest in her house. She does it for the people she loves.She is more motivated to make it the best place in the world.

A friend invites you over to her house for afternoon tea. You arrive and see that she has laid out her best china and cleaned up her house, just for you. She wants to do her very best so that you can have a good time. What if she said, "I'm, not going to do any housework. It is just demeaning." You probably would wonder if you had arrived on the wrong day, or if she was not very happy to see you.

Taking all this into consideration, it is undeniable that housework is the support system upon which many business and homes rely. It should be taken seriously. The family can tell a difference between beauty and ugliness; order and chaos. They will spend the most time where they feel the most dignified. I know teenagers who prefer to spend their evenings at home rather than at the houses of friends, or rather than running around to movies and restaurants because of the family taking so much pride in good housekeeping. It is not a small job. It is not insignificant. Without it, daily life would be miserable.

To add a thought, to anyone who thinks housekeeping is a low paying, demeaning job: try hiring a housekeeper for a day. I know a woman who charges quite a bit for housekeeping, by the hour. Her rates are very high, and rightly so, for she is very professional. She chooses a house a day and a customer a day, if she likes and she will work maybe one hour, on one particular task, and then go home. Maid services are expensive, also. So, if you are a housewife and a keeper at home, you are helping your family budget, and if you train your children to pick up after themselves, you are teaching them to be good stewards of money and posessions.

Femininity diminishing?

This comes from someone who lived in Georgia, part of the former Soviet Union. Your encouraging comments are most welcome!

Dear Lydia,

I've read through some of your articles and am very impressed by them, especially few instances where you made mentions of the issues of feminism. I have some few questions to ask you but have not been adequately or properly answered by others to whom I gave similar concerns.

A few months ago I had a conversation with a good friend of mine and he said something to the effect that in the near future, probably around three to five decades from now (years 2030-2050), that as a result of the ever-growing influence of feminism humanity will be altered to an extent that we will not even be recognizable as men and women any longer but will be likened unto the wild hyenas (those animals who have the ability to alternate their sexes at will). He calls this race a "rise of the unisex race".

Ever since that prediction of his, I have been terrified by that, so much that it has been on my mind night and day (literally). As I also reflect on our current trends I have also lamentably noticed that feminism is just becoming more and more stronger like a deadly juggernaut.

Even this recent decades I've observed that women are entering into certain occupations which universally have been solely held by men, I see more growing numbers of female police officers lately, they're almost a 50/50, I've observed that now women are entering into the military, there are hundreds of thousands of women at war as we speak in Afghanistan fighting alongside men, I see more women holding positions of power, like female senators, politicians, corporate executives, females now outnumber the males in the University Campuses by a large margin (at least in Toronto) and even most recent running for presidential candidacy, even in my country where I'm originally from (Georgia on the black sea) on the recent presidential election there was a woman running for the office (something which is totally unprecedented in history).

In reverse I also observe men increasingly growing ever so effeminate in all ways, they too are beginning to occupy feminine rolls as nurturers and homemakers, I see this new phenomenon of the so-called "stay-at-home dads"; husbands who stay home as nurturers while their wives are at work providing and protecting. This is the most accursed trend that I have yet come across, they're no less abominable than homosexuals and transvestites.

When I observe these shifts, changes and fads I grow terrified because these things are a blueprint to our future world, since this recent decade they have been escalating at an astronomical scale, just imagine how worse this will become within another two or three decades later, all these practices will become generalized.

What do biologists and scientists say about sexual differences? Are they interchangeable as our government is trying so hard to make us believe, I mean just recently in 2000 they've began to enforce the Cadet school to admit girls in their Academy and now they're side-by-side training with boys as soldiers. Have they finally proven their point that there is absolutely no difference between men and women, since now that they have become soldiers and do everything as well as any men can do, what uniqueness and distinction do we find in sexes now? (Since I always thought that men were much physically stronger than women, have they finally proven that a myth which was socially constructed in some pre-historic era?).

What do all the Psychologists and doctors and experts say on this? Tell me, do you think that all this will start to change and will begin to go backwards undoing all these abominable transgressions that has taken place recently? Or is humanity really doomed and these trends will continue to rise. Because frankly I do not want to become a father and a grandfather to the "unisex" children.

I'm trying not to be so pessimistic but I don't see any positive changes at all, all I see is that the feminists are just pushing and pushing and pushing their agenda in campuses, in governments, public schools, movies, etc... Or do you think they will only go so far that they will start to crumble, do we see evidence of it?

If so what is the evidence that the feminist agenda will succumb to its ultimate demise? So far I see that its more vigorous than ever. I seldom see a woman nowadays who is willing to stay home with their children, I mean even there were many in the mid 90's but now they have almost been evaporated, someone on the Internet actually commented that traditional roles have become antiquated.

I am trembling by such a thought, why isn't God restraining their enterprise, why is he suddenly letting this happen when nothing like this ever happened before?

Sometimes I am almost convinced that we're living in the last days and Christ is finally returning to judge this awful world. I really need a positive answer and a consolation to my constant worries, are my fears groundless? I sure hope that they are, otherwise I will never be able to live in such an dreadful world.

Please tell me it's not true and that it will finally stop somewhere but not too far. Please answer it adequately and really think about what I wrote, I beg you to comfort by troubled soul. I would also ask you to post this on your site or on a forum somewhere where I will be receiving some comments and views. I've tried to ask other similar bloggers on this but they haven't taken enough effort to adequately address my concern. So I hope to hear from you soon, I beg you to help me.

Ambactus

Cathedral

Lifes works CAN matter SO much, ... even when nobody sees what you are doing.. I found this one today and I thought it was soo great.... this is her story....




I've been wallowing in my small little problems. Rolling my eyes (and wiping tears from them) when yet another minor catastrophe bombards my day. I feel like nobody notices or cares quite enough about the woes of Ang's world, and so I talk about them all day long to be sure everyone is listening.

"Angela Marie Stump!"

"Yes, Lord?"

"I'm listening, and I'm not sure I like what I hear. You want recognition for each diaper you change and pity for your circumstances from a stranger? What about your eternal reward? Is my 'well done' not enough for you?"

Hmmm. Right. Needed a little perspective, didn't I. Well, I found it with the help of the Bible's promises, and a short story someone forwarded to me. I'm condensing it, but here's the part that got me:

The Invisible Woman by Nicole Johnson

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip! and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought this for you."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

1. No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. 2. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. 3. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. 4. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Thank you, Lord for giving my soul a little food. I'm ready to shake the mood. I'm losing the 'tude. It's all good, dude.

You get the point.

Meekness

The Ornament of a Meek & Quiet Spirit

by Donna Martin

I have been a born again Christian for nearly 20 years, and I’ve studied the Bible and attended college level Bible courses, but I have never studied the meek and quiet spirit that scripture speaks of. When I found a book by Matthew Henry, a Puritan pastor, which was written in the late1600's on this very subject, I decided to read it. As I passed from chapter to chapter, I questioned myself of whether I had this spirit he spoke of. Scripture shows in 1 Peter 3:4 that God places great value in the ones that possess a meek and quiet spirit, so I hoped that together we can see where we stand in this gifting.

Meekness is spoken of as an adornment that is incorruptible. It is a softness of temper, gentleness, forbearance under provocation and injuries, void of passion, pride, and immoderate anger. Meekness enables us to control our own anger when we are provoked, and patiently bear the anger of others while not allowing it to excite anger or cause resentment in us. It is a fruit of the Holy Spirit in those Christians that are yielded to Him, and not brought about by self-effort. Meekness is more than the words we speak and the actions we display, it is the spirit behind those words and the intentions behind those actions. In some translations it is called self control. Meekness is the peaceful assurance that God is in control.

When someone possesses the ornament of quietness in spirit, they speak soothing words, they are a peacemaker, they pass up the temptation to be sharp and hurtful, and they deny the desire to be boastful and selfish. They are gentle and mild, patient and kind, and they are not argumentative, pushy, self assertive, unkind or rude. Quietness is the evenness, the composure, the rest of the soul, which speaks both the nature and the excellency of the grace of meekness. The greatest comfort and happiness of man is sometimes set forth by quietness (Matthew Henry).

In 1 Timothy 6:11 we are told to follow after righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, and meekness. I believe it takes seeking after the first five qualities in that verse before you begin to show the of meekness and quietness in our lives. If you continue to carry unforgiveness, bitterness, anger, and resentment in your life, then you will prevent the working of meekness and quietness. You will block the flow of the Holy Spirit, and the destructive spirit of the flesh will be what flows from your life. When you work through all these issues that are blocking the flow of the Spirit, you will then begin to see these gifts start to operate.

A changed life speaks loudly and clearly, and it is often the most effective way to influence your family members for Christ. In 1 Peter 3:3&4, Peter instructed Christian wives to develop inner beauty rather than being overly concerned with their appearance. This is because their husbands and families would be won by their love, rather than by their looks. This brings to mind what my husband says to me sometimes. He feels that the perfect woman is mute. Why? Because then he doesn’t have to hear their sharp words and their complaining. Of course he had me in mind when he said this, but it is the perfect example of how our words and actions affect the ones we love. I’m sure Peter felt that way when he said we should work on the inner man. What a jewel in our husband’s eyes we would be if only blessings flowed from our mouths, and not complaining, orders, or anger.

Please don’t take me wrong about spending time on our appearance, because our dress is a reflection of what is on the inside of us. But you can have your dress down to your ankles, cover your head, and speak with a sweet voice and still be a snake in the grass. Modest dress and quiet and gentle behavior may be a facade for a raging and boiling spirit. When the spirit is truly gentle, the behavior will reflect the reality. You will not need to grit-your-teeth with effort.

One thing that today’s woman has been told is to be assertive. Feminism has told women they need to push their way upward in the workplace with assertiveness, and unfortunately they have brought it home with them in a damaging way. It took many years of deprogramming after getting off of active duty military to learn not to be assertive and demanding with my husband. I nearly unraveled my marriage. I think assertiveness is good in some situations, but being quiet is probably better.

If you still aren’t certain whether you possess the spirit of meekness and quietness, ask your husband. It often takes years to bring to maturity. Pray that God will work in your life to cultivate a mantle of meekness and quietness. Praying and reading your Bible will not be the only thing that makes it manifest, but it is a start.

Meek: mild, humble, strength under control

Quiet: peaceable, knows how to remain quiet in contention

1 Peter 3:4	"But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”
James 1:21	"Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls.”
Philippians 2:3	"Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.”
Psalm 22:26	"The meek shall eat and be satisfied: they shall praise the LORD that seek him: your heart shall live for ever.”
Psalm 25:9	"The meek will he guide in judgment: and the meek will he teach his way.”
Psalm 37:11	"But the meek shall inherit the earth; and shall delight themselves in the abundance of peace.”
James 1:19	“Be swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath.”
Proverbs 17:1	“Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife."
Ecclesiastes 4:6	“Better is an handful with quietness, than both the hands full with travail and vexation of spirit.”
Ecclesiastes 9:17	“The words of wise men are heard in quiet more than the cry of him that ruleth among fools.”

Becoming a Bear

This is a pretty good article about protecting your children... you can find more great articles at nogreaterjoy.com

Becoming a Bear

By: Gabriel Pearl

Not much scares me. I’m a young man, strong, fast, sharp, on the edge. I’ve hunted crocodiles out of dugout canoes in piranha-infested waters in the middle of the night.

I go spear fishing in the ocean at night with just a flashlight and a spear gun, in 50 feet of water infested with prowling sharks. Not much bothers me. But one thing scares me. There is one critter I really respect: bears. Bears have it all. They are fast runners, much faster than the fastest man. With their quick paws, they can snatch fish and seal from the water. Tropical bears climb trees to drag monkeys from their safe perch. They don’t even think twice about digging into an angry bee- hive. I guess you could say they have us humans beat in every physical respect. And, if you think that’s bad, it’s not even the worst; they have a temper that far exceeds their physical strength, which you will experience just trying to get close to one of their young. Afterwards, you will hear people say things like, “Poor guy, wonder if he even saw it coming?” and “How long did you say it took the bear to do that to him? Terrible shame. He was a good guy”. Don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. The bear is a predator—never to be trusted.

Even in today’s society, there are more predators than ever. You don’t know who you can trust. You eat lunch with somebody at work for years, just to find out he abuses his daughters and their friends. It’s very sad. God will rise up in judgment someday, and he will be strong, harsh, and completely righteous in his vengeance. Until that time, it’s our job as parents to raise our kids to have a fair chance at life, not one of shame and remorse brought on by a moment of gratification for some lowlife you thought you could trust.

This past winter I was sitting up in my tree stand, deer hunting. It was a beautiful afternoon. Everything was perfect, wind, moon phase, temperature. Suddenly, from around the edge of the hill a deer came running. In one smooth motion I brought my gun up and flipped the safety off. The closer the deer got, the more I realized it was just a fawn. Some hunters would be bummed at this point, but I was stoked, because there is only one reason a fawn runs—coyote. I stayed paused and excited. Sure enough, the predator came running about a hundred yards back. Needless to say, it never knew what hit it. One second it’s trying to get an easy meal off of a baby that got separated from its mother; the next moment, it’s as dead as a tanned hide hanging on the wall. I like harvesting deer. They are good to eat. But I LOVE killing coyotes. They deserve it. They are cowards, picking on the small and weak.

When I was 11 years old, I went on a mule ride with my grandparents. It was a weekend of true hillbilly fun, riding miles in the summer heat all day long with a bunch of tobacco chewing, overall-wearing, heehaw looking good ‘ole boys. It was a great time. The second day, I met this older gentleman, about 55 years old. He spoke well, was clean cut, and was better dressed than the rest of the bunch. He seemed to know my family and talked about my mom. He was definitely a good man. He said there was a nice trail around the lake that we could walk around first thing in the morning, and that we would see lots of snakes or turtles. That was all I needed to know. The next morning at daylight he tapped on my tent. I was up in a second and ready to go. It took about an hour and a half to walk around the lake. We had a great time, but I only saw one snake.

When I got home, I told my parents how much fun we had riding mules, catching perch, walking around the lake. “Walking around the lake?” they asked. “Yeah, I met this really nice old guy. We walked around the lake. It’s ok, he knows you. His name is so and so.” Their faces turned ash grey. I knew it was serious. They said he was a pedophile from way back. Other kids had charged him, but nothing had ever stuck, and they had not seen him in years.
It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I pondered back to that time at the mule ride and the gravity of the situation. Was I not his type? I doubt it. I was just a “cub”, and he was a seasoned coyote. So why did I go unscathed? It’s pretty clear to me now. It’s because I was a cub, and not a fawn. Sure, the cub might have wandered away from the den for the weekend, but the coyote knew there was not a tree too high, nor water too deep, and no way to outrun the wrath of the bear—my parents. Their reputations were known abroad, and the coyote knew that to mess with this cub was a sure way to lose what he loved most—and I don’t mean his freedom.

Some of you have fawns for children, and some of you have cubs. There is a big difference between the two in the mind of a coyote. Fawns are easy prey, and there are no consequences to the coyote if he eats one. But mama bear will have no mercy for the creature that dares to mess with her cub.

If you are a parent in today’s world, it’s your responsibility to be bearish about your children. People need to know, and coyotes need to know: If you mess with my cub, you get the full bear treatment. - Gabe, www.pearloutdoors.com

Covenant Responsibilities

And now a word from Mr. Gothard

Discern Covenant Responsibilities!

The leaders tore their clothes and fell on their faces with shock, grief, and fear. What should have been an easy military victory turned out to be a disastrous and humiliating defeat. Now their entire military campaign and the very survival of their nation was in jeopardy.

Then God spoke to Joshua: “… Get thee up, wherefore liest thou thus upon thy face? Israel hath sinned, and they have also transgressed my covenant which I commanded them …” (Joshua 7:10–11). The entire nation of Israel was defeated because they violated their covenant with God. But what did they do? “… They have even taken of the accursed thing, and have also stolen, and dissembled also, and they have put it even among their own stuff. Therefore the children of Israel could not stand before their enemies … because they were accursed: neither will I [God] be with you any more, except ye destroy the accursed thing from among you” (Joshua 7:10–12).

As it turned out, a man named Achan had secretly stolen forbidden items from the spoils of a previous battle and had hidden them under his tent. When his sin was exposed, confessed, and punished, the Lord once again gave victories to the nation of Israel. (See Joshua 7–8.)

Because the entire nation of Israel was in covenant with God and with each other, one man’s sin caused the whole nation to suffer.

What a deep and profound truth! God is a covenant-making God. He works through covenants with people and with nations. Because every believer is part of the Body of Christ, a covenant relationship exists between all Christians (see Romans 12:5). We are all members one of another (see Ephesians 4:25). When one member suffers, we all suffer (see I Corinthians 12:26). It is also true that when one believer sins, every other believer is affected.

This connection of members throughout the Body of Christ should be a somber message to all believers. “Know ye not that your bodies are the members of Christ? shall I then take the members of Christ, and make them the members of a harlot? God forbid” (I Corinthians 6:15). God reinforces this spiritual bonding by comparing it to the marriage covenant. “What? know ye not that he which is joined to a harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit” (I Corinthians 6:16–17).

Before we come to the communion table, we must repent of sins that are against God and have affected every other believer.

One church that understands this vital concept has included a time for confession and asking each other for forgiveness prior to the communion service. When appropriate, sins that have been committed are confessed before the entire congregation. In one service, a man asked the congregation to forgive him for sinning in anger that week. Another asked forgiveness for immorality. Two young believers asked forgiveness of the other church members for the quarreling and fighting they had done during the past week. This cleansing process is consistent with the admonition of Scripture to “confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another …” (James 5:16).

Let’s realize the seriousness of our sin and the fact that it is not a “private matter.” Our secret sins affect every other member of the Body of Christ. If they are not confessed and forsaken, they will eventually result in carnal churches that are ineffective for the Lord.


Through Christ our Lord,
Bill Gothard

Broken Circles

By: Michael Pearl

The names and some details have been changed to protect the guilty, but the events are true.

Ruth is five years old. Her mother just recently left her daddy because he drinks too much. The home life was not good, but it wasn’t all bad. It was a small circle that included a warm house, a mama and a daddy, some siblings, and a sense of security. The older siblings were doing well in school, and even though mama and daddy yelled a lot, it was still home. Now little Ruth lives in an apartment with her mommy, although she spends at least three nights a week at home with Daddy. Mommy said she didn’t want Daddy to mess them up, so she left him, but she’s lonesome and needs to go out, so she asks Daddy to keep the kids more all the time.

If someone asked little Ruth where she lives she would look confused, stare off into space, and finally answer, “With mommy at the apartment.” Now her life revolves in two part circles. She has two places to live, she has two authorities, which often disagree, but she no longer has a sense of security—that has been replaced with fear.

Mommy now has a friend. He lives at the apartment with them. He is a strange man and Ruth is uncomfortable around him. She doesn’t understand why, but in her tiny, broken circle she no longer feels at home.

Mommy had a date and a babysitter came. Mommy didn’t come home until real late and Ruth did not wake up for school. Daddy called, but older brother was afraid to tell him why they weren’t at school. The next day all the kids went to stay at Daddy’s house. The house is different now. Less furniture, messy, it smells funny, but it’s more familiar than the apartment, so it’s better. Daddy’s friends came over. Mommy doesn’t like Daddy’s friends. They drink a lot, and one friend wants to hold Ruth, and she is afraid. So much fear, so much uncertainty, so much turmoil.

Children are so flexible; they can take so much and still do just fine. That’s what I’ve always heard from parents who bend their children a lot. When Grandma called she could tell something was wrong, and she told Ruth, “Get outside on the porch with the other kids, I’m coming right now.” Ruth feels better. Grandma’s house was once a place to visit and eat candy, but now it is another partial circle, a safe partial circle, warmly secure with Grandma and Papa, the same house with the same stuff in it. And Grandma is always the same. There’s no fear there, but it is not Ruth’s house, only another partial circle in her ever widening flow of circles—now that the real circle is broken.

Ruth is learning to use her circles. If she doesn’t like doing something she can just cry and say she wants Daddy. If Daddy will not let her have something, she can just beg to go stay with Mommy. If she has to go to school when she doesn’t want to, she can be sick and ask for Grandma. Ruth has learned that where there is more than one circle there is really no circle at all. No authority, no security, the only absolute is what Ruth wants. Ruth has no one to protect her from herself, from her own lusts. Grandma can be a loving grandparent protecting her from the bad guy at Daddy’s house. Daddy can make her feel happy. Mommy can love her, but the authority has been given into her tiny hands by default.

When Ruth was a little girl Grandma's house was a place of security, but now that Ruth is thirteen years old, it is just a dull, boring, old place. Candy bars and TV no longer satisfy her appetite. Her flesh has grown, and with it has grown the habit of getting what she wants. Over the years she has learned how to cover her tracks when she wants the freedom to have some fun. She tells Dad, “I’m at Grandma's,” and tells Mom, “I’m spending the weekend at Dad’s.” She tells Grandma, “Dad said I could stay over with friend Marsha.” The tight circle that God placed her in to protect and guard her was removed by Mommy’s and Daddy’s sin. Ruth has been left uncovered.

Some parents rip that covering off their children, not by divorce, but by disagreement in policy. A mother will whisper to her daughter, “You can go, but don’t you dare tell Dad you did.” That daughter has lost her covering for all times and all occasions. Mother has taken it from Daddy as well as from herself. Some Daddy’s give it away. Daughter begs, gets angry, yells, pleads, and Daddy finally yells, “Just get out of here, I don’t care what you do, just give me some peace.” Daughter learned this from Mama. Then some daddies just pretend they don’t notice, after all Daddy’s little girl has always done real well. Daddy wants to be the sweetheart. He gives his girls complete freedom so “they’ll know I trust them.” Poor little girls grow up doing “what is right in their own eyes.”

Little girls and boys need a complete, secure circle to grow up to be well adjusted. God designed that the man should be strong and wise as the head of his wife. A girl, having spent her entire youth growing up with a daddy that watched over and protected her in her day-to-day activities, will be ready to assume her role as a wife that will bring honor to God and her husband. So many little girls are growing up today without that circle of protection and authority. They grow up with fears and insecurities on top of the rebellion and fleshly indulgence. When they enter marriage they don’t know how to be submissive, confident wives because they never were submissive, confident little girls to their Daddies. The only way they can find fulfillment is by “doing what’s right in their own eyes.”

A great majority of women are depressed, discouraged, angry, and totally out of control in their flesh. They live in some kind of a silly fantasyland. To make matters worse, their husbands are selfish, defeated sissies. Soul sickness is at epidemic proportions. Divorce is a terrible crime against all. And not only divorce, but also the spirit of defiance, of “getting my rights,” is quickly destroying any hope of happiness.

Many women will read this and say, “I knew I was doomed from the start, so why try, it is my parents’ fault.” It is true your parents did fail you, but now you stand before God to give an answer for your own sin. It’s no good crying over spilled milk. It’s time to get a cloth and clean up the mess, being careful not to create any more spills. Are you content to continue passing this burden down to your children? Each person stands before God either to obey or to dishonor. Because of your up-bringing you might have a propensity to be selfish, get angry, or to manipulate your surroundings, but it is ultimately your choice to obey God or not. As you seek God and seek to obey his Word you will begin to mature in the way God meant for you to mature while you were growing up. When God says in his Word for the woman to reverence her husband it will not seem like an archaic translation. When the Scripture says, Sara called her husband lord, it will not appear sacrilegious.

So, mama, are you unhappy with that selfish, “no-good” husband of yours? God has made a way, and His way is still your only way to raise your little girls to be an honorable little mama. The way to raise obedient, serving little girls is by example. How you treat Daddy will in a great degree decide how they will respond to authority and ultimately to God. You can’t change Daddy, but you can change your side of the world.

Do you treat your husband with affection, but little honor or respect? Do you slip behind his back to go shopping, or waste your days reading romance novels? When you dishonor him, you dishonor God. He knows it, you know it, and your children know it. You limit God’s blessing in your life.

The slide is down hill. Every child is selfish and will get more selfish. As parents we need to seek to obey God against all odds; that’s what sanctification is all about. Our job as mothers starts with being good wives. Your role as mother will go no further than how you fulfill your role as wife. When parents break their own circle, they break their children’s circle as well. Neither broken marriages nor broken relationships produce whole children.

Even when all goes well our children will not be perfect. They will have their own hurts and weaknesses to overcome. But they don’t need to start life handicapped by dragging along the added burden of the sins of their parents. Life will throw enough mud at the children without them leaving home carrying a load provided by parents.

There is still an abundance of grace and love to be poured on those who will repent toward God. When you lay yourself on God’s altar, your children reap the blessings of the sacrifice. When we flush the garbage out of our own lives, our children experience the cleansing.