Dresses

Lately I have had a strong compelling desire towards dressing like a woman and going dress/skirt only. I have been reading SO many testimonies here on blogger about other women who wear only dresses. They have truly inspired me and opened my eyes towards an area of my life which was completely oblivious to me.

I grew up with both parents in a very strict old fashioned German apostolic church, were the ladies ALWAYS wore dresses and were quite beautiful. VERY modest,( yet not at all like this huge movement of modest- home- schooling- mothers- who- dress-frumpy-and-masculine, not that these modern ladies intend to dress masculine, but they seem to have come from a situation where they didn't quite know what to wear, and had no role models and are trying their best to be modest; they just seem to have lost the beauty of a woman... )

It wasn't unattractive at all, this was a group of wonderful ladies whom have never lost the culture of beautiful, modest, FEMININE dresses. They were raised knowing that there is indeed a difference between a man and a woman and that when god made them both in the garden he called them ,"good". So if our God and creator made a woman and made her beautiful, why do so many women who are trying to dress modestly, forget that they are supposed to look different from a man? They dress in HUGELY over sized clothes and you can't even tell their front from their back...

So i grew up seeing beautifully dressed, modest God fearing, humble women. I had this wonderful example, and at first, while I was young my mother tried to follow their example. See this was my father's church, she only started attending when they were marred. She wore these lovely skirts and dresses. Grew her hair out long, and often wore it in either a braid to the back or up in some sort of twist or bun... really simple like. Never wore makeup that i can remember. I thought she was so beautiful when i was a girl. Well as I was entering my teen years as life somehow goes, my parents up and got a divorce. My mother cut her hair short, high lighted it several shades of auburn, wore lots of makeup and most dramatically pants. See I was but a child obviously while i was growing up and I don't remember everything or all the facts, she could have been slightly like that before they got the divorce, but the only part i remember was this beautiful simple church and their beautiful modest dresses, and my mother whom was so beautiful when she wore them. I look back on pictures of her when she was a young mother, and she was always so radiant and feminine and lovely in all those dresses and long hair. She was what a woman was made to look like.

So she remarries, and continues to look less and less like a lady in my eyes. I never really was aware of this impact in my life until recently when I have been wearing dresses/skirts more often... I remember my childhood and the beautiful ladies. And now since I haven't been to that church since the divorce (other than funerals and weddings of family members) all I see around me is masculinely dressed women, my mother, my sisters, all my friends and acquaintances. I don't think there is a single woman out of all of them who wears only dresses full time. Some where dresses or skirts, but rarely or on special occasions. Its like the heart of a child is innocent when they don't know or are not aware of their surroundings, I feel like scales have been lifted from my eyes and I feel like I can't believe that I never noticed this before.

When they got divorced, I ended up going to a public school from which I sadly learned so much about how to dress :( I remember actually feeling PROUD when young men would stare at my body and comment about me... now I am so very embarrassed when I remember those times. It is this which I so strongly want to find the truth, find what I have been missing out on. At least I don't dress like I did in high school, but I want more than that. I want to be lovely, and feminine and beautiful, and very much like a previous post I put up called secret garden... I want to be a pleasant secret that only my husband gets to see... :) Not a marshmallow mistaken for a man LOL.... If that makes any sense.

So as of lately I have been very aware of my own appearance. I have had this inward battle, not knowing if makeup is selfish and prideful, a waste of time which should be better spent, same with showers EVERY day, I feel like it is not necessary to take them quite so often. I feel like they are for keeping clean, but not needed to keep sterile LOL..... I usually ALWAYS wear jeans or maybe once a month wear a skirt for fun or special occasion.... NOW however that I am aware of how I dress and that it matters very much so. I feel like God made our bodies as humans perfect and beautiful and flawless, however with the entrance of sin into existence and the flood etc. Yada yada yada, we do NOT have perfectly beautiful bodies anymore, wrinkles etc... so with the SLIGHT help of makeup and perfume, a simple hair do and a dress, will help with our fading beauty, not only to be more attractive to our human husbands but to feel and act more like the princesses of heaven which we are :) SO not only do i force myself, reluctantly at times to get rid of my prejudeces and bitterness towards fake women's attitudes and pride and hypocracy towards their outward looks, and make myself take daily showers and primp just a little bit for my husband (including, NOT getting overweight) but I am just recently learning to do it with a smile :)

I believe that children's song/verse in the bible "let your light shine" and I realize that a lazy, dirty, smelly, ugly fat me... would not make a pretty little light, and definately wouldn't shine for the world to see, and definately would not draw them towards myself at all... and we live in a very shallow world where people FIRST and foremost judge ya by your appearance. ... and if your appearance is pretty "dumpy" then ya gotta agree with me that it wouldn't draw many people towards Christ....

On the other hand I am DEFINITELY not approving of changing or altering your body in any permanent way or semi-permanent: ie tattoo, makeup that COVERS your features instead of gently making them stand out beautifully...

So i went out and bought myself two frugally cheep ankle length skirts and have been wearing them most of this new year, save for maybe once a week when i have regressed and worn one of my jeans, I'm not sure why even. Maybe its because my husband had just bought me like 6 brand new pairs last summer before I got pregnant so I haven't even gotten any use outta them, or maybe its because I have noticed such a drastic difference in how I feel when wearing skirts compared to the jeans... who knows, but I sure feel weird when I wore the jeans again, even when I thought they were necessary, ie ridding horses. I feel SOOO completely revealed!!!! its so weird.... Anyway kids are waking up gotta go...

I am not a feminist trying to prove that I can be just like a man;
I AM A WOMAN AND PROUD TO LOOK LIKE ONE!!!! ;)