Femininity & Modesty

"The Secret Garden"

By Mrs. Jennie Chancey

I want you to imagine with me for a few moments. Picture in your mind the most beautiful, abundant garden you can. Roses bloom and fill the air with their scent. Hollyhocks and sweet peas line meandering walkways. Bright colors surround you on every side, while birds sing happily to each other in trees loaded with fruit. Shady areas beckon you to sit upon soft, green grass. A clear brook bubbles over smooth rocks and winds its way through patches of daisies, lilies, forget-me-nots, and buttercups. The garden is a delight to the senses--a place of rest, refreshment, and splendor. Some faithful gardener has kept it free of weeds, staked up the slender stalks of tall plants, watered the flowers, swept the walks, and pruned the trees to perfection.

Now, around this imaginary paradise, imagine a strong wall built of aged stones. The stones are joined together perfectly, leaving no chinks. The mortar is in excellent repair so that no part of the wall is left to crumble away. A single door marks the entrance to the garden, and it is built of solid wood and locked securely. Passersby on the road can hear the tinkling of the brook and the singing of birds within the walls. They can smell the wonderful perfume of the flowers. They can even see some climbing roses draped over the tops of the walls, announcing that within is a wonderful treasure. But no one passing by possesses the key to the door. That is safely stowed in the gardener's pocket.

Can you picture this "Secret Garden" with me? Do you know the name of the garden? Ladies, the garden is you! Little girls, the garden is you! Your name is inscribed on that strong door in bright, golden letters. You are "The Secret Garden!"

Let me read a brief passage from the Song of Songs to set this picture in its context:

"A garden enclosed is my sister, my spouse; a spring shut up, a fountain sealed. Thy plants are an orchard of pomegranates, with pleasant fruits; camphire, with spikenard,
spikenard and saffron; calamus and cinnamon, with all trees of frankincense; myrrh and aloes, with all the chief spices: A fountain of gardens, a well of living waters, and streams from Lebanon." (Song 4:12-15)

In this beautiful book of the Bible, Solomon gives us a picture of womanhood that is simply radiant. Every woman is like this lovely bride--a "garden" full of all manner of delicious fruits and lovely flowers. Isn't it wonderful that God has this view of womanhood? It is something precious, special, and honored. It is a glory to be a woman!

Last year I talked about how male and female together make up the image of God, as is written in Genesis 1:27: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them." Together, male and female are "man" -- mankind, that is. Man isn't complete without woman, and this doesn't just apply to married couples--it applies to the human race as a whole. God delights in our differences as men and women, because He made us to complement one another. He loves for men to be manly and women to be womanly.

And that brings me back to our Secret Garden. Ladies, do you know what the wall is that surrounds your garden? It isn't a prison wall. It isn't a fortress. It isn't an ugly wall. The wall is modesty.

Modesty.

Webster's Dictionary defines modesty as "natural delicacy…regarding personal charms; purity of thought and manners; due regard for propriety in speech or action." Paul writes about modesty in I Timothy 2:9-10, saying, "In like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works."

Now, I know when I say the word "modesty," some ladies immediately have alarm bells go off in their heads. "Oh, no. Here she goes. Now we're going to get a list of rules about clothes. I don't need legalism, so I'll just tune out." Or perhaps the word conjures up images of a frumpy, unkempt housewife who hasn't attempted to brush her hair for days. Both of these responses miss the point, however. Modesty isn't about legalism. It isn't about deliberately looking unwomanly or unattractive. Quite the opposite.

Let's look at the picture God gives us of Jerusalem in Ezekiel 16:10-14: "'I clothed you in embroidered cloth and gave you sandals of badger skin; I clothed you with fine linen and covered you with silk. I adorned you with ornaments, put bracelets on your wrists, and a chain on your neck. And I put a jewel in your nose, earrings in your ears, and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen, silk, and embroidered cloth. You ate pastry of fine flour, honey, and oil. You were exceedingly beautiful, and succeeded to royalty. Your fame went out among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect through My splendor which I had bestowed on you,' says the Lord God."

Obviously, God does not have a problem with beauty! Modesty is not about drab colors or dullness. It is not about lists of detailed rules that suffocate womanly charm or cause us to become Pharisees who consider ourselves superior to others. Instead, modesty is all about the loving protection the Master Gardener has created for all of His "secret gardens." It is about a wall that keeps us safely guarded for the one earthly gardener who will be given the key and commanded to nourish and protect the garden within the wall.

In His Word, God has graciously given us guidelines for modesty. Beginning in the Garden of Eden, we learn that we cannot cover ourselves properly. When Adam and Eve sewed fig leaves together to make aprons, they weren't covered. God had to make them coats of skin. This is a picture of how we are unable to cover our own sins and need the sacrifice of Christ to cover them and save us. But this picture isn't just spiritual; it also shows us that what we often consider modest (covering our "private parts") isn't modest enough.

Now, ladies, I am going to put my neck on the line here and say some things that may not sit well with everyone. I don't say these things because I think I am better than others or because I feel a need to dictate to others. I say them because I am deeply concerned about the direction we are taking as women in society and--more importantly--in the Church. Have you been to Wal-Mart lately? Have you been downtown lately? Have you been at all shocked by what you've seen? Ladies, I am seeing girls as young as eight wearing things that shouldn't be seen outside of a closed bedroom. I am seeing college girls walking around in men's boxers and sports bras. But what concerns me most is how complacent we all are about the immodesty that is so openly embraced by our culture--and, sadly, even by women in the church.

Again, remember that modesty is not about looking ugly! I am not going to advocate burkhas that cover every square inch of flesh. The Bible does not give us such a picture of modesty. I am not advocating baggy, androgynous clothing that hides our femininity. To do that would be to despise God's image, which is male and female. God truly does delight in our differences as women.

But, ladies, what God calls "secret" and "precious," we must not flaunt before the world. When we behave immodestly, we declare to the world that the Secret Garden is unlocked. When we dress immodestly, we punch holes in the garden wall and invite the world to gaze upon beauties and riches that are intended for one man alone. When we begin to pull the wall down, what can we expect but that the garden will be trampled, muddied, and ruined by wayward travelers and greedy despoilers?

When God pronounced Israel unfaithful through His prophets, He almost always spoke of stripping His people bare and revealing their shame. In Isaiah 47:2, He declares He will "take off the skirt, uncover the thigh." In Ezekiel 23:26, He announces, "They shall also strip you of your clothes and take away your beautiful jewelry." To be stripped bare is not a symbol of freedom, no matter what our culture tells us. It is a symbol of devastation, judgment, and loss of purity.

Ladies, is this the picture we want to give the world of the Gospel? Of Christ, our heavenly Bridegroom? Do we want to tell the world through our clothes that our Groom, our Gardener, does not honor and cherish those who are His own?

When we dress modestly, we communicate some wonderful truths. We declare daily that we are protected and beloved women. We are not cheap. We are not easy. We are not bait. We are not unguarded. We respect ourselves and others. We honor our brothers in the Lord and pledge to help them guard their purity by not being stumbling blocks to them.

Now, can a woman be modest in her clothing and still be impure or vain? Absolutely. No amount of rule-keeping will help us if we do not have changed hearts--hearts that see things from God's perspective and delight to honor our Lord and show respect for the way He has made us. And God does give us guidelines in Scripture to help us understand what is and is not modest. It is important for mothers and daughters to study these things together and discuss them. I would encourage all of you to do a Bible study on modesty. You can use the very helpful biblegateway.com online to help you locate all the verses that pertain to modesty, clothing, and beauty. You can study heroines of the Bible who personify beautiful modesty, like Sarah, Rebekah, Ruth, Abigail, and Esther. You can read articles from many different perspectives at beautifulwomanhood.org under the "Femininity and Modesty" section.

The one option you do not have is to ignore the issue of modesty or to brush it aside as unimportant or not a priority. When I see the college girls walking around in underwear, I hurt for them. I want to tell them, "Ladies, you are worth so much more than your clothing says you are worth!" I want to know where their fathers are. I wonder what kind of example they had from their own mothers. The example they are getting from the checkout stand magazines is not going to teach them how to care for their gardens or keep them protected and honored. But when they look at Christian women, will they see a better way? Or will they just see more of the same? If we look upon modesty as a prison to be escaped--saying "How much can I get away with?"--we tell others that our God is a heartless warden who only wants to stifle our individuality. But if we look upon modesty as yet another way to be salt and light as women--saying, "Thank you, Lord, for making me a woman and showing me how You honor womanhood!"--we tell others that our God loves femininity and desires to protect us as His beloved children.

What an opportunity we have today to show the world the glories of God-given womanhood! What a priceless gift to be able to demonstrate how our Heavenly Gardener protects and nourishes His Bride. And, ladies, modesty doesn't start when you're a teenager. It isn't just for older women. Let's look again at the Song of Solomon. The Shulamite's brothers ask about their role in the life of their little sister:

"What shall we do for our sister in the day when she is spoken for? If she is a wall, we will build upon her a battlement of silver; and if she is a door, we will enclose her with boards of cedar" (8:8-9).

Do you see how even brothers have a role in protecting and cherishing modesty? And notice that they don't say they'll build a barbed wire fence around their sister. No. They are going to make her "wall" beautiful by adorning it with silver. They are going to make her door strong by reinforcing it with fragrant boards of cedar. What a fantastic picture of modesty! It is beautiful, it is to be treasured, it is all about cherishing and loving the precious garden within.

You are all gardens. From the smallest girl here to the oldest grandmother, you are gardens! God has made you beautiful in His time. He has called you to be "all glorious within the palace," as the Psalmist writes. Your womanliness and femininity are to be a blessing to others, but your treasures are not to be laid bare to the world.

I appeal to you to read God's Word and think God's thoughts after Him. Then we can echo Isaiah when we say, "I will greatly rejoice in the Lord, My soul shall be joyful in my God; For He has clothed me with the garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness, As a bridegroom decks himself with ornaments, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels" (61:10).

A secret garden is a wonderful thing! It is a treasure to be guarded and cherished. It isn't something to be ashamed of. Make the walls of your garden lovely. Keep the roses blooming and the brook pure and clear. Those outside will appreciate the beauty of the adorned wall itself, because they will know the wonderful garden within is all the more special for being private and protected. Most of all, rejoice that you have so great and tender a Gardener to keep you. Honor Him by rejoicing in the modesty He has called you to possess. And honor others by making sure your modesty draws attention to the beautiful "hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God" (I Peter 3:4).